Waiting Well

 "And if not, He is still good."

What does that mean to you? 

Personally for me, it runs deep. Life is always filled with questions that seem like there is no straight answers to. "What if I made more money?" "What if I took more time off?" "What if I was married/had children?" "What if I took that chance?" The list of questions could go on and on...

I started this blog 10 years ago. 10 whole years! That's a long time. While I was not the most faithful of bloggers back in the day, I want to get back into the swing of things now...even if it's a little at a time. I find writing to be therapeutic and I love it. We can learn so much about each other by how and why we write.

If you were to have asked me 10 years ago where I thought I would be today, I can assure you that my response would have been something like this:

"Well 10 years from now I'll be married with a handful of children. Living in a nice home and raising chickens."

Pretty straight forward, right? I mean that was my end goal so it made sense just to assume that that's what I would have. All nice Christian girls meet and marry by the time they're 23, don't they?  While that is true for some, it is not the case for all. 

There was a time when just the half-second thought of not having those things (marriage/children) gripped me with fear. When I was in my early twenties, I chose not to dwell on the possibility of never having them because, well, it was going to happen. I thought, "If God is good and He gives good things to His children, well, then I will be given a husband."  Let me just say that God IS good (Psalm 100:5; Psalm 135:3; Psalm 145:9; Lamentations 3:25, and Nehemiah 1:7) but while He is good, His timeframe is not my timeframe.

"A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps." Proverbs 16:9

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD". Isaiah 55:8

You see, without realizing it, I was placing my identity in a statues. I didn't know it at the time, but I lived and breathed marriage. I literally woke up each morning with the thought, "Today's the day! I'll meet my husband and then my life can finally begin." For years that was my thought. It consumed and dictated my life. 

Side note:

I never ever intended to talk about my singleness on this blog. It was always a private part of my life and one that, I can see now, I was a little embarrassed about. Letting others know that I was still in this season of my life was something I was ashamed of. It shames me to recall that I actually used to think along those lines.  There were times I wrote about it on the blog, but I never poured myself, or my journey out. One of the reasons why I was apprehensive about opening up about it was the pity that somehow always seems to inevitably follow.

Have you ever gotten pity because of the season of life you're in? Girl (or guy, if you're reading this), let me tell ya, when it comes to singleness, I have heard it all. 

"Oh, honey, I am so sorry." "Don't you worry, it will happen when you least expect it." "You know, it seems a waste; you'd make a great wife." "Still no boyfriend? Don't you like boys" "You're just not focused on God enough." There are plenty more, but I'll spare you.

Because I share what the Lord is teaching me here on the blog, and a large portion of my life dose have to do with being single, it seems only right if I share how the Lord is using this stage of life for His glory. Even if I encourage just one person then God be praised!

So, here I am. A single woman with a desire to be a wife and mother. Some would say that God is cruel in keeping me in this season.  Some would say that I don't get out enough; I don't date enough. I have even been told by a Christian that my standards for a husband are too high and suggested that I lower them if I ever wanted someone to want me.  First off, can I say Ouch! Second, I must say that I strongly disagree.  The whole "not dating enough" thing is a whole other blog post, and if that's something you're interested in reading, I can write more about it another time.

Waiting for something you desire is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  I had to come to a place of complete surrender. I remember one time I cried out to God and asked Him "What more can I give You? I have no one. I have nothing to offer up!" Then He showed me that the dream of wife and motherhood had become clenched so tightly within my grasp that there was no room for anything else. There was no growth. God showed me that dream could be a sweet offering to Him. That hope that I had kept "secretly" locked away had grown into an idol and God had brought the ugly truth to my face. How could I live a FULL life for God if I was always looking for something else? I couldn't. 

One of my favorite quotes by Elisabeth Elliot is this one:

"Single life may be only a stage of a life's journey, but even a stage is a gift. God may replace it with another gift, but the receiver accepts His gifts with thanksgiving. This gift for this day. The life is lived one day at a time, and it has to be LIVED - not always looked forward to as though the "real" living were around the next corner. It is today for which we are responsible. God still owns tomorrow." Elisabeth Elliot

What am I living for? What am I striving for? As a single woman, my goal is to thrive in this season, not just survive it. It sounds cliché, but bloom where you're planted. God planted me right here and it is my duty to serve and honor Him TODAY.

"How much do you love Him? Will you love Him even if you never receive what you are actively praying for? Is He still good in that?"  That's hard. O so hard! Yes, I know that no matter what God IS good and does good. Even if I never have that dream fulfilled, I can still trust Him!

God, are You still good even if I never have this desire fulfilled? Yes, Thou art good - no matter what.

Why do we feel like we need to possess something in order to live a life? I believed the lie that I had to have someone, a husband, in order to live for God. Thriving isn't dependent on circumstances. There were many many Bible studies that I went through, books that I read that helped open my eyes to reality: I can live a full life now. Will the desire for marriage go away completely? No, but I can offer it up to the One who placed it in my heart. And that can be such a gift! To offer something that is so very precious to us to God - what a blessing!

~Sarah

If you're looking for ways to thrive as a single women, please go and read this awesome article by Girl Defined!

Are you waiting well?