Grace Bestowed

Romans 11:33 says, O depth of riches, and wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable His judgements, and untraceable His ways!

God's ways are untraceable. No one can go beyond God and have Him all figured out.

I don't know about you but there is great comfort and fear in knowing that. Comfort in that I cannot know the mind of God and fear in that I cannot know the will of God.

I know I've said it before, but I do not like not knowing. I like to have a plan, or rather a basic idea of what is going on. I like going into situations somewhat informed and prepared.  Well, if you are human and you are living on earth, then you are aware of the fact that not all things happen the way that you plan or prepare for them.

2022 has been a year of growing pains for me.

I started off the year pretty much in the dumps. I was spent emotionally, spiritually, and struggling financially. I was in a rut with my job and was burnt from trying to dig my way out.  My longing for something new was intense. So, I took a leap of faith and left the familiar.  This was incredibly difficult for me.  Walking away from something that I was a part of for so many years was one of the hardest things I had to do.  With the Lord's help though, I did it. 

I took a new job working as an assistant in a doctors office.  While the work was very different than what I was used to, and the adjusting period was massively difficult, I wanted to do well where I was.  Plus I loved the patients!  

Loving what you do is very different then craving what others say about what you do.  I found that the later was what I was chasing.  I liked hearing, "Sarah, great job!" and, "Wow, you're doing so well."  Once I heard those complements, I sought to do more than I was capable of simply because I wanted to hear those reassuring words.  As I sit here and type that out, it bothers me that I could be that foolish and blind.  Looking at this from a different angle now, I want to reach back in time, grab my shoulders and say, "Girl, wake up! You are aiming to please man and not God. All your work is in vain when you seek to please someone other than the Lord."  I did it anyway.  I sought to please my coworkers and boss just so that I could hear them say "Job well done."  As you could probably guess, this didn't last long.  My body, mind, and spirit became exhausted.  I was worn out.

On the drives home, I would often just sit in complete silence.  Sometimes I would roll the window down and allow myself to absorb the heat on my skin.  The warmth felt like a hug and I wanted to get lost in its embrace.  So many prayers have been prayed on that stretch of road between my home and where I work.  So many heart cries.  Some of pain and some of joy. 

I poured my heart out to a sweet friend and she reminded me of Colossians 3:23 -24, which says, "And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ." 

It was like a lightbulb went on in my head and heart.  I had been seeking out what my peers thought of me rather than doing my job with a joyful heart for the Lord.  So, I confessed my sin and asked the Lord for forgiveness. I also asked that He show me ways at work where I could better serve Him.  I was now excited, and a bit relieved, to know that my job wasn't about me.  My goal was to obviously complete my work and leave the office knowing that I did all that was asked of me, but also, I wanted to be more intentional with the patients.  There is SO much freedom in submitting!  

I'd like to say that the story ends there and that everything became super easy, and that every day was like a dream.  Ha.  Not so.  Each day brought more challenges than I ever thought could be piled up in a day and I had many, many moments of "What on earth am I going to do?"  The breakdowns weren't as weekly as they had been before and the tasks were still rather difficult, but something was different.  I had a peace that surpassed my human understanding.  This peace kept me going.  

Often when I would finally lay my overrun brain down on my pillow, I would pray and ask God for just enough grace for the following day.  And He would.  He would give me just what I needed for the day.  Moment by moment, I felt Him providing little scoops of Grace upon my soul.  While shut up in a small, smelly x-ray processor room where I had to develop the films, I would lift my head up to the skies and ask the Lord to calm my weary heart.  When my heart was tempted to become overwhelmed with what had not been done, I would be reminded to cling to Rock that is higher than I (Psalm 61:2) and just do the next thing. 

"Sometimes life is so hard, you can only do the next thing. Whatever that is, just do the next thing. God will meet you there." - Elisabeth Elliot 

And He did.  God met me many times in that small, dark, and smelly room.  He met me on my walks to the store for lunch, He met me in the room with patients; He was always there to bestow upon me just what I needed: His sufficient grace (2 Corinthians 12:9).  It amazes me just how faithful the Lord is and how He does answer prayers.  I asked for grace for each day and He faithfully gave it.  What more could I want from Him?  He gives all that we need just when we need it.

So, what does this all have to do with the beginning of this post?  The untraceable ways of God? His depth and riches?  Well, for one, I never would have thought that taking a new job would be part of the Lord's refining process for me or that God would pull up some of the deep stuff that I was pushing down.  Lord, forgive me, but I thought my mindset was fine where it was.  Ha. Clearly not.  My view of people and what they could do for me was terrible and not healthy.  So, God showed and humbled me.  For this, and much more, I praise Him!

What about you? 

What has been your biggest challenge so far this year?