Into the unknown...well, unknown at least to me

Admitting that I am not good enough for certain types of jobs is difficult for me to, well, admit. 

In a way, I take it personally. 

Up until recently, I tried my utmost hardest not to disappoint. Even if I overworked myself to the point of mental, emotional, and physical breakdown, I didn't want to be the cause of someone else's frustration.  Friends, I cannot even begin to tell you just how much I hated the very thought of upsetting someone.

For most of my adult life, this has been my theme: be given a task and not just complete it, but over complete it. For example, if I was asked to wipe down a dusty table, mind you, just the table, I would do extra work that clearly wasn't necessary.  So I wiped that table down, but I also I wiped the chairs/benches - even though there was no need for it.  The response from the task giver was normally positive, "Oh, thank you SO much for doing that! You're on top of it, aren't you?"  

Quite often, people become accustomed to that.  And if you're like me, well then, you are in for a vicious life cycle. *cue the perfect recipe for a doormat*

In a way, I've always doubted myself and lacked confidence. I know that I am not the smartest person in the room, in no way the fastest, funnest, and, without trying to sound like I am seeking attention (because I'm not), I've never found myself to be pretty or attractive.  I guess I have always had little faith in myself and my capabilities so I felt like in order to make up for those lacking parts, I have had to "do extra" when it came to my work because that's pretty much all I had going for me. 

In the deep parts of my mind, I guess I thought along these lines, "I can't win someone over with my brains, wit, "beauty" or speed, but maybe just maybe, I can do a really good job."  And so I did...or at least tried. 

Can I tell you something though? This overachiever attitude didn't get me very far.  It hindered me in fact; kept me in the same place.  

Logically, I understand that there are jobs out there that I know I am unable to do. Ya'll, you don't want me flying your planes or preforming your operations. There are professionals for that!  I guess for me, it's been a humbling experience to be humbled.  Knowing that every task I am given to do, I won't be able to do is freeing.  Over the past 8 months of 2022, God has brought many lessons before me.  Lessons of learning to let go, lessons of learning to trust Him with my daily needs, lessons of learning to hold my tongue; so many lessons!  While I didn't always receive what He gave with thanksgiving, I do praise God for His patience with me.

This week begins a new chapter in my life. One door is closing while somewhere, God is opening a window. I am a mix of nerves and excitement. Nerves because I am not the best when it comes to the new/unknown (I talk about this more in this blog post), but excitement because it is something new. I guess you could say I am a complex creature, haha!

Do I know what's next? Nope. Do I know the One who does know? Yes, praise God I do! 

My prayer is that the Lord would open the door to some kind of ministry. My hearts desire is to serve and or teach in that way.  Years ago, when I was a volunteer preschool teacher for a ladies Bible Study, I heard a woman speak at a conference.  Her passion for using the gifts God has given to serve Him and build His Kingdom, lit a fire deep within.  I always liked the idea of using what you're good at to better serve the Lord.  There is such a need for teaching good, wholesome things to young ladies.  The basics such as keeping a home clean, cooking, cleaning, even ironing have become such rarities.  There's a need.  Because I long to have a family of my own one day, I hope use my home as a "classroom" so to speak.  I love that idea!  

So as I march into the unknown, I have my faith, the Word, my family and friends to keep me grounded and sane.  Lord, open the doors!

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105

What about you? 

How are you serving the Lord where He has you?