Who am I?

Who am I?  

Like I know I'm human, but what kind?  I know I live on planet earth, but what is my purpose?  When the hardships of life seem to pull at me, what holds me still?  Do I shake in my boots; run in fear?  When I am faced with something that requires me to REVEAL, what is my response?

Over the last couple of months, I have been faced with the Who am I question.  How do I answer? During my Holy Yoga training, God broke down some walls; walls I didn't even realize I had spent years putting up.  But God.  He is the great Rebuilder and He has done a great renovation on my heart and in my life.

During the Holy Yoga instructor training retreat, we had early worship sessions (like 6:30 am, y'all), and because I am so. not. a. morning. person, it was a major challenge for me to be like "oh, hey, yeah it's time for worship!"  Yeah no.  I wasn't ready for it.  Then after being home for a couple of months, I realized how incredibly selfish I was acting.  I wasn't ready for praising God?  Really? Why, because I hadn't eaten anything yet?

Well, anyway they played a song; a song I had never heard before and was having a hard time remembering, but the words, oh the words.

He unravels me with a song.  Layer by layer God took away pieces of me that He saw fit to expel.  Not all at once, mind you.  Little by little.  While it's not easy, I can rejoice in this uncomfortable process because He has declared it to be for my good.  I can blessedly look at that time with joy.

So much dirt came to the surface that week - so much gunk.  There was this part of me that thought I could co-exist with the monster in the basement, that if I just kept going and refused to face my fears, I could still get to where I wanted to go.  How wrong I actually was.  Sooner or later we all have to face it (and by "it" I mean your fears!), and until we do, there won't be any peace about going forward.  You're never going to know who you are until you realize Whose you are and I did not know this.

Doubt.  Satan loves this word and loves to use it on me.  He loves to sneak it in; forcing it into cracks of my second guesses.  But God.  I learned that while at the retreat.  But God.  He is grander still.  He will never, ever let me go.  I can stand fully knowing that Jesus is my Lord; I can go forward!  But why haven't I?  Because of doubt.  The chains of fear, rejection, and doubt were holding me back, not ever wanting to let me go.  They wanted to drown me.  But those words kept coming, I am no longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God...my fears are drowned in perfect love..  It's like the light finally went on!  I am His Child!  Beloved and pursued!  I have no reason to fear - now, that doesn't mean I won't, it just means that fear has no hold on me.  It does not control me or own me; it is NOT who I am.  Fear is not my identity - Christ is.

You rescued me so I could stand and sing.  How beautiful are those words?!

Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin.  - Romans 6:6 

But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:  - 1 Peter 2:9

Sweeter still is the word of God.  His words are truth and should we not live with that stained upon are hearts; should we not walk with confidence in God knowing that we have nothing to fear?

What I am not saying is that your fears are supposed to vanish, never to be seen again - that is a farce. Remember that we live in a fallen world. We'll never be rid of fear this side of heaven.  What I am saying is that we have no reason to fear!  God has conquered death - He beat it!  Think on that.

So, who am I - no, Whose am I?  I am His.  I am a beloved daughter of the Most High; the King of all Kings and I can rest in this; rejoice with Him.


~Sarah